Jay's Blog/thoughts/rants

[j]

OK just posting some thoughts/a little rant maybe of mine really, why here? Because it’s the only place I frequent as a forum so I apologize in advance.

On the bus being accused of being smelly

OK so I am a big person I’ll admit that, but why is it the misconception that as a big person I automatically smell bad. Here’s the scenario I am fresh out of the shower, clean shaven, deodorized and with cologne on. So basically if I smell anything it’s nice. Anyway someone gets on and the absolutely smell foul, and they sit in front of me. Next thing an old lady taps me on the shoulder and makes a comment that I smell of BO. Naturally I am offended because I don’t smell at all, so I tell her to consider that it’s other people that smell. Then she replies well you are a big man, so I basically invite her to sniff closer which she does and she says “I’m sorry I was mistaken” so basically she thought because I am big that I smell bad? That is one thing that truly annoys me. Big people don’t smell, it’s big people with poor hygiene that smell bad, well it’s actually people with poor hygiene that smell bad.

Same if you are a smoker, some absolutely wreak of smoke but others do not, so it’s unfair to say that all smokers smell bad, because they don’t it’s the ones with poor hygiene that smell bad.

Criticizing working methods, but they don’t know how to do it.

So I was working on a website, and my method is to create the general layout in Photoshop and then cut up the images when I code the actual website. My cousin said to do the coding first and then do the images, is he a web design or developer? No. However he tells me I am doing it wrong. I don’t tell him how to fix a car because I honestly don’t know how to, but he does it about every job and he makes me laugh because most of the time his idea is the wrong way. In the case of mine it is a preference and not the absolute right way, I prefer to design the layout in Photoshop and there isn’t anything wrong with it. Even my teacher said it is a good way to see how the colors will work and how it looks, I know it’s a small thing, but unless you are 100% sure what your idea is the right thing I really think you shouldn’t stick your nose in.

Caring too much about what others think

This actually came about KH’s thread about certain attractions, I mistook the question there. Just a friend recently was asking me a lot about what I thought of his girlfriend, particularly about her age. Like “How old does she look” and such, I tried not to give it too much thought until he just bugged me about it and I asked how old she was and it turns out she is 7 years older than him, I know to some that might seem a lot, but my mother and father the age gap is double that so I guess it doesn’t shock me at all. My friend is really worried that he’ll get mocked because of it and I really don’t see how it will happen and why it matters since she’s a nice lady, she’s funny, attractive and kind hearted.

I do wonder where we get this need to be accepted by everyone almost instead of just those who matter, I’ll admit I’d seek approval on a lot of things I used to do. In some things I can clearly say this is good and be proud of it, but others I need to have others say they like it before I can be proud of liking it or something I made etc. I just wished for certain things like CAWs, RPing and such I could be just proud of doing instead of getting frustrated to the point of stopping because nobody said I was doing a good job or bad job etc. It is just weird how with some things I actually don’t care what people think but on a few things I do. Something in the mind that just does it I guess, it’s a part I’d love to switch off along with my conscience sometimes.

Now that’s the bad parts now for some kind of good stuff I guess

Starting a home study course

Being unemployed and actually trying to get a job is hard, because I know you can say you should be working towards it all day every day, but with how things are at least here in the UK it is hard to get a job. So spending more than a couple of hours a day doing it is enough IMO anymore and it drives you insane, the issue is not replying back so basically you are stuck not knowing what you are doing bad application wise or interview wise. Anyway so now I am going to say something that is probably to some here ‘blasphemy,’ but I actually got bored of playing video games. My friends either live a bit away or have a job, so I am kind of left with only my mother to talk to she’s a pensioner btw. So I got an email about home study courses, one of which was Dreamweaver and Flash.

So I thought it is something to do and I have some money tucked away I could use for it. So I signed up and I have started working on it two assignments so far I have an A on. So there is already a positive because getting an A makes you feel good. So from a confidence point of view it is helping me and I am learning more to do with my ideal job so it should help me in the long run too. Also it helps me be creative without it just being through CAW. Since I want to cut back on CAWing and stuff is a very good thing for me.

Someone special

OK without going into detail I’ll just say last year was a bad year for me because I went through something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and following that my long term relationship broke down. One thing about that is that a friend of mine was there through it all, and it wasn’t easy for her because I wasn’t always the best person to be around, but she put up with me and supported me. Recently I was able to put my past relationship behind me and move on, so I took a chance and I ask her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. My only doubts or negative things is because I want to be able to treat her like she deserves and buy her nice things. Meaning I need a job to do that, just to show her she means an awful lot to me, and she makes me feel great.

OK so for those who read, feel free to add to a topic in here, and thanks for reading it those who didn’t... Meh who cares

[Chris]

Criticizing working methods, but they don’t know how to do it.

So I was working on a website, and my method is to create the general layout in Photoshop and then cut up the images when I code the actual website. My cousin said to do the coding first and then do the images, is he a web design or developer? No. However he tells me I am doing it wrong. I don’t tell him how to fix a car because I honestly don’t know how to, but he does it about every job and he makes me laugh because most of the time his idea is the wrong way. In the case of mine it is a preference and not the absolute right way, I prefer to design the layout in Photoshop and there isn’t anything wrong with it. Even my teacher said it is a good way to see how the colors will work and how it looks, I know it’s a small thing, but unless you are 100% sure what your idea is the right thing I really think you shouldn’t stick your nose in.

This bugs me too, but more on something where there's more than one way to do something lol. My graphic design teacher used to always get on my case on how I did something just because it wasn't her way. I remember we had to design logos and stuff for a fictional company and everything I did in her eyes was wrong. Using photoshop instead of illustrator because I was more familiar with it and knew how to do what I wanted to was wrong. Using certain things like an elephant for the logo of a truck company was wrong. Beyond frustrating. Still ended up with the highest grade and most completed project though.

My biggest issue would have to be when people give advice lol. I got nothing against giving advice, but it seems way too often people keep it vague or forget to tell you how to apply it lol. I was talking about it with Showtime about it, and how the most common piece of advice you'll see in efeds is "watch how other people do things" or "make your own style" when it comes to rping lol. It's advice sure and good, but there's so much more to just making your own style or some people don't improve by observing others and need actual pointers or you leave out what parts or some suggestions of who to observe lol. But for me it pails in comparison to when I'm trying to learn something and I get told to do this and and this and this and there's no demonstration, details, or anything like that. It's more of here are the steps, but I'm not gonna tell or show you how to actually do the steps.

Another is something I'm guilty of pretty often and it still bugs me though. Not finishing what you started lol. I hate when others do it and I hate when I do it lol. I've started like thousands of poems, drawings, plans, guides to efeds, CAWs, ect and I finish maybe 2% of the projects I start lol. If it works out better unfinished than finished, fine, but that doesn't happen often lol.

On the plus side though, the stuff I do finish 100% is usually stuff that I've put a lot of time and effort into so if I know what I'm doing it's usually at least decent lol. Small silver lining consolation prize for me lol.

[j]

I think advice depends on the recipiant, in efeds it's harder to tell and I really never offered anyone any advice and I don't recall many asking me for it in the terms of roleplaying. In person you can normally tell if they would be receptive to it. I did ask for advice now and then, well more opinions I guess.

Adding to something that bugs me sometimes is people who don't make an effort themselves, my mum annoys me with this, if I ever ask her for advice she'll always say "Try looking for it here, or try the dictionary" however then if it's on the computer I can't just say to her "google it" and I've noticed that just about all the people I know's parents do this tell you to find yourself, but expect you to find it for them when they need something. BTW I used to ask how do you spell a word to get "Look in the dictionary" which if you have noclue about spelling a complicated word then that doesn't help at all lol.

I try to help when asked, but sometimes I consider it a fault because people just want more and more.

[Chris]

I know what you mean about "look for it yourself". It's even more annoying when you kinda need it fast or don't have the resource around or they get mad if you do the same lol.

Same when someone asks for advice or opinion and then just ignores everything I say for no reason or say I don't know what I'm talking about lol. Yeah there are plenty of things I have no clue about, but if you're asking me for advice or opinion on something, I would think it's because you think I know what I'm doing lol.

My mom does that all the time lol. She'll ask me how to do something on the computer and I'll tell her or show her and she'll completely ignore what I said and wonder why her computer craps out lol.

[j]

Creative Writing

OK so since officially retiring from E-feds back in December last year I haven’t had an awful lot in terms of a creative writing outlet, which is basically what E-feds were to me. I honestly wouldn’t say I missed E-Feds, but the creative writing outlet it provides I do miss. I’ve tried to write short stories and that kind of stuff, but none of it I felt confident enough to post. I think that my biggest downfall in lacking creative writing skills is that I don’t and haven’t really read books at all, they do say it helps, but thinking about that I generally don’t read stories and such on the internet either. So maybe I should pick up a book, something that wasn’t made into a movie. Alternatively for my creative writing needs I could return to E-feds, but most if not all I used to enjoy role playing with are now retired and most of the feds left just don’t have much appeal for me for various reasons.

I could always start my own, but I’ve seen some of the stuff staffers go through and honestly that shit is just not worth it. Also drama aside it is also too much work than I want to commit too honestly. A few years ago I wrote some songs they are on another hard drive somewhere, I say songs rather than poems because they just seemed to fit as songs more, and whenever I try to write a poem it just sounds awful to me so they rarely get saved. Anyway I’ll leave this post at that.

[Chris]

I know what you mean about the lack of an outlet lol. My big outlet was English Class, Creative Writing, and Journalism classes lol. Since then, I've tried to at least write like a couple paragraphs of a story lol. A scene, setting, or even a rough outline of an idea for a story using either characters I know or my own original characters lol. It's not much, but it's something lol.

[arkum]

Yes, e-fed keep me sane. I am part of like 4. I also run my own. It's small like 4 other people in it. But haven't ran into any problems now. Always looking for more people. But not looking to hard. There is a storyline runing right know that's fun. So it's good for me. If your interested. Pm me and I'll throw you the link.

But really I make wrestlers build a history for them. Run through their deals and then stress is gone. I even think about it as I work. Since I work in a small resteront. It makes me do best then worry about the bullshit that goes on there.

[j]

Thanks for the offer, but I think that efeds aren't the right type of RP for me as they are too limiting. So going back just for the creative outlet is a last resort for me lol.